Relationships are the foundation of humanity. God orchestrated this by creating us as beings with hearts that desire to love and be loved by those around us. It’s why, since the beginning of history, people suffer with broken hearts when relationships fall apart. Whether through divorce, estrangement, fighting, bitter disagreement or death, loss of love can cause unbearable pain. There are songs, plays, poems and novels written about broken hearts so if you’re suffering with one, find comfort in knowing you’re not alone. You may feel hurt, angry, lonely and abandoned. You may think it is impossible, but your broken heart will heal if you let it. So how can you mend a broken heart?
Allow yourself to feel pain and trust it won’t last forever.
Consider this: God created us to heal from wounds. When physically injured, the human body immediately and automatically begins to repair itself. Likewise, the human heart naturally strives to heal itself. The human spirit has an amazing capacity to rebound again and again. Understanding this and trusting it will happen, in spite of your pain and sadness, will help you move on. It is important to accept you may not heal as fast as your ex. Some people simply heal faster than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take your heart to mend, but you will get through it. Don’t fight the healing process. It takes time. Be patient. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NRSVC)
TIP: Although you won’t feel like it, keep moving. Exercise is the single most effective therapy for depression. Read more. Think about joining a gym, joining an adult sports league (flag football, softball, dodgeball, basketball, tennis, etc.) or taking a dance class to get moving and meet new people.
Persevere.
At first, this simply may mean forcing yourself to get out of bed every morning and going through the motions of daily life. You’ll want to crawl back under the blankets and wallow in self-pity, but resist the temptation because eventually you’ll wake up each day and realize your heart hurts just a little bit less than it did the day before. When a relationship ends, you may feel the sting of failure, but remember the only real failure is not getting up one more time. My mother used to say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This is especially true when recovering from a broken heart. “Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (Jon 1:2-4, RSVCE)
Talk to someone.
Confide in a trusted family member, friend or pastor about the emotions – hurt, anger, guilt, resentment, sadness, rejection – you are experiencing. It is important to talk about your feelings in order to keep from expressing them in destructive ways. Confiding in someone you trust is like using crutches when you sprain your ankle. When your heart is broken, having someone to lean on gives you the strength you need to carry on. “For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:10 RSVCE)
NOTE: Broken hearts can take a long time to heal, but if nothing seems to help resolve your pain, if you are having an exceptionally difficult time dealing with your emotions, or if you feel desperate, please talk to a professional counselor. To talk confidentially to someone who is unbiased about your situation now, chat with a HopeCoach now or get immediate help by calling TheHopeLine® Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255.
Talk to God.
Regardless of what we do or fail to do, God will always love us. God knows everything about us – our flaws, failings, sins and transgressions – and in spite of it all, He still loves us and will never leave us. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” (Jeremiah 31:3 RSVCE)
Only God loves us this way. The bottom line is once you hold this truth in your heart, you will be blessed with all the strength and courage you need to face rejection from others. Talk to God. Share your broken heart with Him. Ask God to help you heal and have faith that He will. Remember, God loves you no matter what and has a very special plan for you. “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 RSVCE)
TIP: Lots of churches and parishes have singles clubs. If your church doesn’t have a singles club, think about starting one and if you don’t belong to a church, now might be a good time to join one.
NOTE: Hope, Help and Healing is a faith-based on-line personal study program designed for those in separation or divorce, but is a beneficial resource for anyone, married or unmarried, going through a break-up.
Forgive and learn from your mistakes.
Forgiveness truly is the gateway to healing and happiness. Your relationship may have ended over some horribly egregious transgression. It may have ended over a series of irreconcilable differences or it may have died from lack of attention. Whatever the cause and no matter the circumstances, forgive your ex. This will be difficult if you feel the victim and especially difficult if your ex does not seek to be forgiven. Do it anyway. Our Lord Jesus tells us, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” (Matthew 6:12)
Often times a broken heart can lead you to feel blameless. If this is the true for you, take time to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your failed relationship.
- Was I attentive enough?
- Was I selfish?
- Was I overly possessive or jealous?
- Was I insensitive to my ex’s feelings?
- Did I respect my ex’s responsibilities and goals?
- Was I verbally abusive?
- Was I quick to anger and slow to forgive?
Honest answers to these types of questions will lead you to a more profound understanding of how your behavior contributed to your break up. The Holy Spirit may be lead you to apologize to your ex or to turn to God with a repentant heart, seeking His forgiveness. Whatever you do, learn from your mistakes so you will be better equipped to make your next relationship happy, healthy and successful.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
TheHopeLine®
Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255
Chat with a HopeCoach
Talk confidentially to someone who is unbiased about your situation now
Free Downloadable eBook: Getting Over A Broken Heart
It’s something no one ever wishes for, but likely something everyone will experience. If you have the capacity to love, then you also have the capacity to be hurt. Anytime you open yourself up to love, you risk getting a broken heart. This eBook will give you the steps to get over a broken heart to help you cope, heal and love again.
In this Ebook:
- 26 page magazine-style eBook with colorful photos and steps to recover and move on from a broken heart.
- Real audio calls to listen to others share about their heartbreak experiences.
- A personal video interview with Lacey Sturm (formally Flyleaf lead singer) on recovering from a broken heart.
- What to avoid after a break up and how to save yourself from getting a broken heart the next time.
- Also, how to help a friend get through heartbreak.
12 Steps for Overcoming the Pain of Divorce
Hope, Help and Healing
A six-week personal study for those going through separation of divorce that will guide you to sections of the Bible that are relevant to the emotions, worries and questions you are dealing with right now. We like to think of the Bible as the “owner’s manual“ for life. It’s a place where you can get real-world answers for real-world problems, including separation and divorce. Unmarried persons going through a break up may also find this study beneficial.